A long time away from a home I don't recognize

I'm on a ferry from the Greek island of Naxos to Athens. It’s a high-speed ferry that cuts through the waves. I plan to stay in Athens for a night, then I’ll take a plane to Sicily. I was in Athens before, for a week, and I saw most of the city. Tonight I’ll take it easy. I spent much of the first half of this trip running around. I don’t need to do that anymore.

I’m not always sure what I’m doing here, and I increasingly feel like I don’t know where I came from. I left America because I enjoy Europe and things were bad back home. A steady descent into madness. I picked some locations in Europe I wanted to see, saved up some money and off I went.

I’ve been in Europe for over two months now, and I've spent that time walking along cobblestone streets and staring up at cathedrals. I've gravitated toward bodies of water—whether it was the river in Toulouse or the Aegean Sea in the case of Naxos.

I plan to use up the 90 days you’re allowed to stay in Europe without a visa. It’s the longest I’ve ever been away from home, and a lot has been happening there while I’ve been gone. I’ve watched from afar. What a mess. I played with the idea of extending my trip—perhaps just traveling indefinitely. I can’t stay in Europe, but maybe I could go see South America or something.

I'm going to end this trip in Tangier, Morocco, because I’ve heard a lot about it, and that 90-day limit for Europe is approaching. I don’t entirely know what has attracted so many writers to Tangier, but I remember seeing it through the eyes of William S. Burroughs and Paul Bowles when I was in my late teens. I’m sure it’s fascinating, but I don’t think I’ll get it until I’m there. The pictures don’t reveal much to me.

As I’ve been traveling alone—from Spain to France to Italy to Greece—I’ve been thinking a lot, but I’ve also sort of just been floating from one place to the next. Why am I going where I’m going next? It looks pretty. The food is supposed to be good. Why not?

I’ve enjoyed the trip so far, but it does all feel peculiar at times. I tell someone what I’ve been up to, and they look at me like I’ve lost my mind. Such a long trip. So much happening where you’re from. An untethered American.

I’ve been working while I’ve been traveling, and my schedule in one place is pretty much the same as the next. I wake up, have some coffee, smoke a cigarette and listen to a podcast until I’m ready to do some writing. I finish up around 4pm, go to the grocery store and get some food and drink for the evening, then I return to the apartment. In the evening, I walk the streets of the city with my headphones in, and I stop at the places that look appealing.

I’ll go see the sights while the sun is out if there are sights to see, but I find in most places you can knock them all out in a couple of days. After that, you can get into a routine, and I’ve always liked having a routine. I quickly start acting like I’m a local wherever I end up.

I expect it’ll be strange to be back in America when I return. There might even be some culture shock. I’ve gotten used to watching the chaos from afar. It’s been on my mind the whole time, though. It’s part of my job. I’m going to go to Los Angeles first to see some friends, which will surely help me ease back into things, and then I plan to permanently relocate to Chicago. Well, as permanent as it ever is.

I suppose this trip has been a taste of whatever else there is out there. I don’t expect America to completely collapse, but what if it gets bad enough that staying there is no longer tenable? There are many reasons that could end up being the case, but I’ve found I unfortunately cannot predict the future. I have a talent for seeing around corners, but I can’t see the center of the maze.

I suppose I’ve resigned myself to not having too many expectations, positive or negative, for the future. As I’ve done on this trip, I’m just moving from one thing to the next. Always moving. Take a look around, try to enjoy yourself but be ready to pack your bag and go.